Last thoughts
Bruno would like to thank the following: AAA; Cingular; Blogger, for the mobile blogging thing; Troy's grandpa, for sponsoring food and drinks in Minneapolis; Troy's (other) grandma, for giving us a place to sleep in Southern Minnesota; JT's radar detector, for saving us money in speeding tickets; The White Stripes and the Royal Orchid ("Best Thai Food in Town"); the Holiday Inn Express breakfast; Guster, for recording great driving music; Honorary Dibs Not Driver #4, for being our guide around Chicago, giving us a place to crash on our first night in town, being our key to free Bud Lights at the irish pub that night, laughing at Troy's jokes, trying to set up JT a week earlier,
etc etc etc; and last but not least, the boys, for not letting me kill you and for not killing me either.
JT would like to thank the following: All the people mentioned above. Troy for his excellent backseat driving abilities and for stopping me from filling the car up with diesel. Yes, I do have a Mechanical Engineering degree, and no, I don’t deserve it. Bruno for his city driving “skills” and for giving us a courtesy window roll down (it’s sorta like a courtesy flush). I’d like to thank myself for being “really really really good looking.” I’d like to say “you’re welcome” to all the ladies in Cleveland, Detroit, Chicago, and the Twin Cities. I know I couldn’t stay long, but it was good while it lasted. I’ll call, I swear. I’d like to thank Emily for answering a very important question late Saturday night as the boys were driving somewhere in Minnesota.
All the way back home.
And it's over. Back to JT's place, where it all began. Total miles: 2,265 (and JT, who had guessed 2,350, wins the Guess Our Total Mileage contest).
Kansas City, Missouri.
And we made it. On the best-looking day of the trip (hell, of the year), at our hometown Kauffman Stadium we're now done. Five days, five baseball games, still the same three guys.
Missing posts
B: It has come to our attention (thanks, Em) that some of our posts (the Chicago game, for example) have not published. Thankfully they're still on my phone, so I'll post them and give them the right date when I get home tonight, so you all don't miss anything. In other news, we just entered KC city limits. It's good to be home - but we still have another stadium to visit.
We cross into Missouri
...and the road instantly turns shitty.
A moment of silence
...for the half-inch-thick layer of dead bugs that now covers our car's front bumper.
On to Kansas City.
Left Minnesota early this morning for one last drive.That's Troy back there. We don't know what he's doing. We don't want to know.
T: You jackass, I was watching Arrested Development on my laptop. The glare from outside made it too hard to see, so I found a good (albeit too hot) solution.
Minneapolis, Minnesota.
It's ironic that the first time we had warm and sunny weather in this trip is exactly the game that's played indoors. Four down, one to go.
Tomorrow's news, today.
BALDWIN, WI. - Three men in their twenties died yesterday afternoon on I-94. Police are investigating whether air guitarring may have caused the deadly crash.
Goodbye Chicago.
Sooner or later we'd have to leave. On to Minneapolis.
Chicago, Illinois.
Writing this from a chilly US Cellular Field, a stadium where you can choose from a larger variety of beers than your average bar. Oh yeah, and wine too. I just don't think wine and baseball mix, but oh well; three games down, one to go.
Lou Malnatii's
Chicago Deep Dish pizza. JT likes it.
City of hook-ups.
We've been getting the best hook-ups here. Crashed at a friend's place last night, then got free beers all night long at McGees (where we got down to Too White Crew - toowhitecrew.com). And today we're staying at a hotel that JT scored for us - for free too. Add to that the fact that we still have not killed each other and you can say we're doing pretty well.
Chi-town.
B: Started blogging a little late today. Late night last night, once we made it to Chicago. More to come.
Michigan City, Indiana.
B: US geography can be very confusing sometimes. Washington, DC is not in Washington state, Kansas City is not in Kansas, and Michigan City, well, here it is.
Climax, Michigan.
B: Here's a town I wouldn't like to live in. Here's another: Detroit. We decided not to spend the night there tonight and possibly get to Chicago the day before the game there. That way we're not mixing highway driving with our hangovers tomorrow morning.
Correction
It turns out there were beers for $5 - still overpriced, yes, but better than 8 bucks for a tall can of Bud Light. Oh yeah, and the home team won - just like yesterday. Plus it didnt rain a drop. Not bad. Back to the road now.
Detroit, Michigan.
Another nice stadium downtown. But a beer costs $8. Anyway - two down, three to go.
1,000 miles.
Just hit the thousand mile marker as we drive by Southeastern Michigan. Right now we have four people (the 3 of us + Emily) playing in our Guess Our Total Mileage contest (we're still deciding on a prize). Leave your guess in the comments and you're entered.
Back on the road.
Last night the rain came (causing the game to be delayed) and went. But by the time it went we had already left to check out the bars around the downtown stadiums. About the bars, two words: sausage fest (though I'm sure the Germans spell it in one word). This morning we're trying to leave Ohio and get to Detroit, where we hope it's drier.
Cleveland, Ohio
We made it. The rain has stayed away, and the beer is cold. Not bad. Plus, Jacobs Field is beautiful. One stadium down, four to go.
Plain City, Ohio
B: I always thought that the problem with the Midwest is its lack of self-esteem. As evidenced by how people name their towns in Ohio. I'm guessing them Plain Citians may have problems showing off their home town.
Stuck.
AAA didn't warn us of major construction on I-70 in Indianapolis. We're cutting it close now.
Visiting Brazil, Indiana
Bruno feeling at home. Check.
Spitting on the Mississippi
Troy and the river. Check.
Doing great time.
On the outskirts of St Louis right now. Feeling only slightly bad for all the suckers on the way to work.
Flipping off Columbia
JT and Faurot Field. Check.
And we're off!
Yes. And it's friggin' dark.
Planning the departure
Seems like we have plans for tomorrow morning. The following is an email exchange this afternoon (it's also evidence of how we'll kill each other before we make it to Cleveland):
J: [to Bruno:] I thought you didn't want to plan anything out. You freaked out every time I mentioned a plan about the time change in Cleveland. So I'm not surprised that you don't remember. If we leave by 4am CST, we can get there by 4pm CST or 5pm EST. The game is at 7pm EST. This gives us time to check into the hotel and a little lag time in traveling.
T: Wow, so we're leaving at 4AM? I can drive the morning shift, as long as you guys don't mind if I fall asleep and kill us all.
J: That's hilarious... You usually get up that early, so I think you will be taking the morning shift.
T: I warn you now, if you make me drive the morning shift, there's no way I'm going to let you two sleep during that time.
B: Not to worry. JT will keep you company.
T: I guarantee you, I will not let you sleep, Pieroni. Zero chance. Every time you close your eyes, I'm going to punch you in the face.
B: Dude, if I'm driving and I close my eyes, I hope that's exactly what you do.
T: No, no, you don't understand. I'm talking about when you're not driving and you're trying to sleep.
B: I get it. Then no, in that case you can't.
T: See, I'm not asking for your permission. I'm telling you that's what is going to happen if you try to sleep tomorrow morning.
B: Oh, I see. Still, no.
T: No what? You do realize that the person trying to keep the other person from sleeping has a serious advantage over the person trying to sleep, right?
B: Yes. Punch JT, then. He'll be riding shotgun and you won't have to reach all the way into the backseat to do it.
Kansas City
B: Just testing. If this works, then we'll be posting pictures from the road.
[UPDATE: That picture was taken and that text was written and sent using my cell phone. Sweet...]
Cleveland (part III)
B: That first leg is going to be a bitch. Dibs not drive it.
As we changed the oil on the car this Sunday (well, as JT changed the oil, I played the road trip theme song on guitar, and Troy ruined his driveway), we agreed to a couple of things...
Here's the
to-do list for that 13-hour drive:
- Flip off Columbia, MO;
- Spit on the Mississipi;
- Stop by Brazil, IN (and possibly Africa, OH -- they're both on the way).
Here's the
not-to-do list for that same drive:
- Get a speeding ticket;
- Hit a deer;
- Leave Troy by the side of the road.
We'll be blogging as to whether or not we get to do -- or not do -- all those.
T: "That first leg is going to be a bitch. Dibs not drive it." - You can't "dibs not drive" an entire leg of the trip. Sorry.
"Troy ruined his driveway" - I thought we had established that JT was responsible for this, at least that's what my parents think.
"13-hour drive" - Isn't it a 12 hour drive, but with the time change it makes 13 hours total???
sweet!
B: I'm writing this from my cell phone. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
Spicy omelets
JT: What do ya'll think about doing a competition? The person closest to the actual miles driven for the entire trip will win a souvenir that we pick up along the way. Blog readers (if there are any) can participate too.
B: I like it, Bob Barker. I don't think there's anyone else reading, but we should do it. Guesses go on a sealed envelope, though. Because I could see Troy, driving the very last leg of the trip and noticing he's not going to win, missing the exit and driving around for an extra thirty miles.
T: Depends on what the prize is. I wouldn't go driving 30 miles out of my way to win a Coco Crisp bobble head doll.
The Faithless
JT: A recent conversation with my Bro-in-Law.
Bro: I need to give you my work schedule for next week.
Me: Oh, okay, why?
Bro: Well, I heard you were taking a Chevy Malibu for your trip.
Me: Yeah.
Bro: I'll see you in Iowa.
I don't want to steal Bruno's thunder, or idea (whatever), but I wanted to remind him to ask a certain person to update the blog during our trip.
T: I knew we shouldn't have decided to take Malibu Barbie's Dream Car. At least Bruno's got AAA.
B: Hey bitches, it wasn't my idea. If it was up to me, we'd be taking JT's SUV. But I'll gladly take your gas money. Plus, you have to admit that it's a better option than Troy's Ford Tempo.
And I will ask before we leave. I just want to try to figure out how to post from my cell phone. That'd be kickass. If that doesn't work, though, I'll recruit the person I mentioned last weekend.
Turn Up the Radio
T: As promised, here's the video...
B: Always glad to make a fool of myself on camera. Plus, why is it that I was opening the hood of the car to install a car stereo?
JT: You put the radio in the dash you nut and use'em both together. Speaking of, did Pepsi completely rip that idea off or what? Even down to the accents.
Music
B: So the DibsNotDrive-Mobile now has a cd player (thanks, JT), and I think we can now establish the ground rules for music during the trip:
- Whoever is driving at any particular point chooses what to listen to.
- Vetoing a song is allowed, but only if both of the two other guys agree to veto it.
- Vetoing a song doesn't allow the other two to choose the next song; it only stops that current one.
Volume is still a discussion to be had.
I'm bringing two or three cds I'm burning this week -- with songs about roads and/or driving. They will include everything from Bruce to Eddie From Ohio and from The Tragically Hip to Modest Mouse. Additionally, they will rock this bitch like this bitch's never been rocked before.
JT: What Troy didn't realize when he voted for these rules is that Bruno and I had a secret alliance. We're going to veto every song that Troy picks.
It took 6 hours, one trip to Best Buy, and two trips to Wal-Mart to install that cd player. Best Buy is a rip off, plus they didn't have a clue. Never buy car radio installation kits there, go to Wal-Mart. Troy filmed the installation process, so he might up a video.
T: Can vetoing of an entire artist or album be allowed, or must each song be vetoed separately?
And are we allowed some ESPN AM talk radio as well, because I don't know if I want to listen to music nonstop for 83 hours in the car.
The Countdown Begins
JT: So I have all the tickets, except for the Royals. (Yes Ticket Master did send me the deleted tickets)
Two Issues:
How many tickets do we want to get for the Royals game? The more I think about it, the more I just want it to be the three of us ending the journey ("...and I'm forever yours...faithfully") together. It’s an unsaid rule that no girl’s are allowed to go to the games with us, and I think this applies to the Kansas City game too. This is not because I don’t like girls because I do, but this trip signifies something bigger than girls. It signifies an obsession with America’s game, ballparks, stupidity-driven young adults making one last run at being completely irresponsible, senseless purpose, irrational goals, and mostly friendship.
We need to start ramping everything up. Hammer out a driving plan, make signs, contact media (Bruno), and plan extracurricular activities in each city. We only have 13.5 days until the trip.
B: Yeah. As far as I'm concerned, yes, three tix. We can meet up with whoever else wants to celebrate the fact that we didn't kill ourselves later.
Now, I didn't know this trip signified so much. I just wanted it to be something casual. Wait. Flashback. Ok. And as for "one last run at being completely irresponsible"... I hope it's not the last run. After all, I still have two bottles of tequila I brought from Mexico that should last us at least a few last runs at being completely irresponsible. Or at senseless purpose. Whichever one.
Also, can we please quit with the Journey references? It kills me enough that Troy has to belt out "Hotblooded" every time someone mentions the word "foreigner."
T: "
Check it and see... I gotta fever of a hundred and three... come on baby, can you do more than dance? I'm hot blooded, hot blooded."
And actually, I do a damn good version of "Cold As Ice" and "Jukebox Hero" as well.
B: You should have done one on Friday night.
And boom goes the dynamite...
T: Heard this on the radio today. Unbelievable. I'd give this a 10 out of 10 on the Unintentional Comedy Scale. Poor bastard...
Reminder
B: One month 'til we leave, biatches.
JT: Oh, that reminds me, I lost the tickets to Cleveland and Detroit. I wanted to tell you in person, but this way I don't get punched. I should be able to call the ticket office and get them emailed again. We also need to buy the Chicago tickets ($30 a piece, ouch) and the Royals tickets.
B: What do you mean, you "lost" the tickets?
JT: Well, I received the tickets via email....work email. So everything gets archived after reaches a certain date. This is a new thing. I got worried that I...alledgedly...had a huge email archive of non-work related emails. So I saved them as text files and this got rid of the tickets. I printed off the order number, so it shouldn't be a problem. And yes, Troy, Chicago tickets are $30 bucks. I'm sure that you don't believe me, one of your best friends, as if its a secret ploy to get you to pay too much money, so go ahead and check. Rant over.
B: This is going to be a great trip. I can tell already.
T: I'm just glad I haven't paid him for my tickets yet...
Cleveland (part II)
B:I've mentioned this to you guys before, but I really want to make a detour through
Brazil, Indiana when we're on the way to Cleveland. It's not far away from I-70. I want to get there and try to find someone who speaks Portuguese. I'm sure they get that all the time, though.
Also, because the Detroit game is in the afternoon, I don't think we'll have time to visit the Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland. Too bad.
Useless trivia: Jimmy Hoffa is Brazilian. No,
for real.
''Magglio is full of [bleep]"
T: Drowning in the woes of the Kansas City Royals, I almost forgot to mention the expletive-laden tirade last week by the Chicago White Sox manager, Ozzie Guillen. Ozzie had
this to say about his former player, Magglio Ordonez:
"He's a piece of [bleep],"
Guillen said.
"He's another Venezuelan [bleep]. [Bleep] him. He thinks he's got an enemy? No, he's got a big one. He knows I can [bleep] him over in a lot of different ways.
"He better shut the [bleep] up and just play for the Detroit Tigers. Why do I have to go over and even apologize to him? Who the [bleep] is Magglio Ordonez? What did he ever do for me? He didn't do [bleep] for me. But he said I'm his enemy -- he knows me. Tell him he knows me, and he can take it how he wants to take it.
"Did he play good for me? Yes, he did. Did he play hard for me? Yes, he did. He might like me. He might be sensitive of me. He might be jealous of me, I don't know why. But saying I'm his enemy, he hates me, I could care less what that [bleep] thinks. I don't give a [bleep] what he does with the rest of his life. He [bleep] with the wrong guy, and he knows that, too. He knows for a fact that he [bleep] with the wrong people."
Okay, so if there's anyone out there reading this blog besides me, JT, and Bruno, let's try one of those good old-fashioned Caption Contests for this lovely picture of Ozzie Guillen.
So is it football season yet?
T: As of today, the Kansas City Royals are now ten games behind first-place in the American League Central. That’s right folks, a full ten games behind the division-leading Chicago White Sox, and we aren’t even through April yet. Sure, we weren’t expecting much from the team, but we also weren’t expecting a team with the most errors committed, the worst fielding percentage, one of the most anemic offenses, and perhaps the worst bullpen in the major leagues. This is going to be a long, long, long season for the already-suffering Royals fans.
J: The frustrating thing is that Steinbrenner is writing a check today for the luxury tax that is almost as big as the Royals payroll this year. Uh...it makes me sick.
This cheers me up a little (pun intended).
The Kiss Cam
T: Okay, so we all headed out on Friday night to Kaufmann Stadium, which incidentally is still a beautiful park, for the Royals versus the Tigers. The Royals, like most major league teams, try a lot of different things to keep the fans entertained during a game. This is probably more important for the Royals, as the on-the-field product is so bad that the focus needs to be taken away from the actual purpose of being there. That brings us to the "Kiss Cam", a wonderful invention that forces people to kiss through public humiliation, although it's not been such a great invention for
one guy. Anyway, there were all kinds of people gettin' busy Friday night for all 30,000 attending fans to see, but unfortunately Bruno wasn't one of them...
JT: What you don't see is when Bruno leans over and tries to kiss me about 5 seconds after you cut the video.
B: I was excited mustard won the hot dog race. I'll contain myself next time.
Cleveland (part I)
B:See, that's why I dig the fact this is a blog, and that we have comment links.
Patrick gave us a link to the
Cleveland Ten Cent Beer night disaster. So now we have a source to quote what would happen if Buck Night at the K included beer.
Also, of all the millions... ok, dozens... ok, dozen... and yeah, that includes the three of us... Anyway, of all the handful of people that have been to this site in the last week and a half, Patrick was the first one to point out that the map of our road trip (on the sidebar) was wrong. My fault. The "Cleveland" in the map was a little bit too close to the dot representing Toledo, and I messed up. The map is now fixed, though, and I'm glad we got that figured out now, instead of once we arrived in Toledo.
Now, I forgot to ask him yesterday, but are we definitely staying with 2.0 in Cleveland? Do we need to get him a ticket too?
T: Wow, we've come a long way as a society since the 1913 Phillies forfeit due to "waving hats and handkerchiefs." I wonder what people from that era would think of the
Gary Sheffield incident?
Do I... do I smell beer?
T: Why can't they include beer with the hot dogs, peanuts, and soft
drinks for the Royals Buck Night? I mean seriously, if you're going to field a team that lost a hundred games the previous year, shouldn't they want you to forget what's happening on the field? Don't try to tell me that they couldn't get a sellout crowd for a Buck Night that included beer, even if it was a cheap beer like Pabst Blue Ribbon (which incidentally, is highly underrated).
J: Didn't they do this for a minor league team? 25 cent beer? The
crowd became a drunken mob.
B: Remember how we used to go to Crappy Beer Night at the Jazzhaus on Thursday nights? It was PBR, Red Dog, Schlitz, and Nattie Light, all for a buck each. It was cans too. Extremely white trash. Local bands were good, though.
Anyway, now you go out in KC and the cans of PBR cost $2 at Harry's. Man, I miss Lawrence.
A tale of two pitchers...
T: Last week, against a very inconsistent Royals offense, Tigers pitcher
Jason Johnson threw 6 and 2/3 innings of shutout ball. He scattered five hits, struck out four, and gave up only one base-on-balls for his first win of the season. Certainly worthy of being called a good pitching performance.
Tonight, however, Jason Johnson had a very different outcome. Pitching against the Twins, he only recorded one out before getting yanked from the ballgame. His stat line: seven hits, one walk, and five earned runs. For the night, his ERA is a staggering 135. Ah, if only he could pitch against the Royals every game...
Friday
B: I'm a new man now, you know. I plan things now.
And that's why I'm here to remind you two about Friday -- Buck Night at the K.
I'm thinking of starting with the sign bonanza as early as that night. Suggestions?
J: Troy and I have a standing bet that he can't eat a hotdog an inning. I hope he tries again, but this time he'll come prepared.
As for signs, here are a few ideas:
1. "There's no question, no question. - Tony Pena"
2. "Juntos Chupamos!"
3. "Where's the Big Sweat?"
4. "What Blue Wave?"
5. Jose Lima is supposed to pitch on Friday...I'm not above making a sign about his...
problem.
6. "$15 seats for a 15 win team. Go Royals!"
7. "
I like Sunsets too Zach!"
B: We're not doing #2. Only in English that makes sense. People that speak Spanish will not laugh, they'll LAUGH. It's just wrong. The only thing gayer is #7.
Down goes Silva...
T: Silva on disabled list with right knee tearAnd JT sheds a tear...
Standings Thus Far
T: After one week of ALCFLB, Troy's PEN15 Squad is leading the way thanks to a few stellar pitching performances from
Mark Buehrle,
Nate Robertson, and
Denny Bautista.
| Rank | Team | R | HR | RBI | SB | AVG | W | SV | K | ERA | WHIP |
|---|
| 1 | T | 18 | 8 | 27 | 2 | .279 | 3 | 1 | 27 | 3.21 | 0.86 |
| 2 | B | 24 | 3 | 11 | 1 | .265 | 2 | 2 | 31 | 5.77 | 1.36 |
| 3 | J | 21 | 5 | 22 | 6 | .201 | 1 | 1 | 22 | 5.31 | 1.51 |
Staring at it isn't going to help...
T: After giving up 12 runs, 8 of which were earned, in only 6 and 2/3 innings pitched, Royals fans, and JT, have to be wondering why
Jose Lima is on their team. As Bradford Doolittle points out on his
"The Stat Guy" page of the Kansas City Star, Jose Lima has always given up a lot of home runs compared to the league average. Add to the fact that he's given up 14 hits in those 6 and 2/3 innings pitched, and you've got a deadly combination.
Fantasy Baseball... American League Central Style
T: Saturday, April 2nd, marked the second annual American League Central Fantasy Baseball League, or ALCFBL for short, draft. For those of you unfamiliar with fantasy baseball, essentially players are drafted by each person and the statistics are compared at the end of the year. Last year, JT was the inaugural winner of the ALCFBL, despite concerns of cheating regarding what is now referred to as the infamous “Rick Helling Debacle.” We completed this year’s draft after five long hours of listening to JT repeating “I’ll take… uhhhh, I’ll take…” to stall for time, but we all walked away feeling happy with the players we selected. Of course, that feeling will be gone in a few weeks when we change our minds and suddenly hate our pathetic players. Below is a small video of the accusations that flew following the end of the draft.
What follows is an unbiased (sort of) synopsis of each team.
Bruno’s Fighting Sardines – Possessing a strong lineup with a solid rotation, the Sardines are a championship contender. With
Jeremy Affeldt and
Shingo Takatsu, saves should come often. However, there is concern over the health of
Magglio Ordonez and
Shannon Stewart, the ability for
Carlos Guillen to repeat his only good season in the major leagues, and the steroid allegations surrounding
Pudge Rodriguez.
JT’s Bloody Stool Boys – Potent offense and relievers, with some questions in the starting rotation. Can
Kevin Millwood shift to the American League and still put up good numbers? Will
Kyle Lohse rebound from a horrible 2004 season? JT obviously shows a lack of faith in his hometown Kansas City Royals, as
Jose Lima is his lone Royal representative.
Troy’s PEN15 Squad – Should have the strongest rotation all year with
Johan Santana,
Mark Buehrle,
Zach Greinke, and
C.C. Sabathia as the anchors. The closer situation is a little more shaky with
Bob Wickman and his penchant for blowing saves. The lineup is solid, but guys like
Mike Sweeney and
Joe Mauer will need to stay healthy in order to compete with the Sardines and Bloody Stool Boys.
Percentages
J: I’ve broken down the possibilities of the following taking place (I used my Junior College Statistics Skills).
Chances of us:
1. Making it to every game and seeing every inning played – 70%
2. Getting pulled over for speeding – 2% (We’ll be using two radar detectors)
3. Getting pulled over for various other reasons – 10%
4. Getting kicked out of a game – 5%
5. Catching a foul ball or Homerun Ball – 3%
6. Dancing like idiots after catching a ball – 100%
Idea
J: I'm going to keep a mile journal. For every mile that we drive, I will write a thought down. That's 2,183 thoughts...
T: I think you're friggin' insane. There's no way you have that many thoughts in your head over a five day span anyway, and I don't think the miles and miles of plains in Iowa are going to suddenly put a thought in your head.
B: We're driving through Iowa? Can we drive through Wisconsin too? I've never been to Wisconsin.
Graphics
T: We need some graphics for this blog. Anybody have high resolution photos of
Ross Gload?
