''Magglio is full of [bleep]"
T: Drowning in the woes of the Kansas City Royals, I almost forgot to mention the expletive-laden tirade last week by the Chicago White Sox manager, Ozzie Guillen. Ozzie had
this to say about his former player, Magglio Ordonez:
"He's a piece of [bleep],"
Guillen said.
"He's another Venezuelan [bleep]. [Bleep] him. He thinks he's got an enemy? No, he's got a big one. He knows I can [bleep] him over in a lot of different ways.
"He better shut the [bleep] up and just play for the Detroit Tigers. Why do I have to go over and even apologize to him? Who the [bleep] is Magglio Ordonez? What did he ever do for me? He didn't do [bleep] for me. But he said I'm his enemy -- he knows me. Tell him he knows me, and he can take it how he wants to take it.
"Did he play good for me? Yes, he did. Did he play hard for me? Yes, he did. He might like me. He might be sensitive of me. He might be jealous of me, I don't know why. But saying I'm his enemy, he hates me, I could care less what that [bleep] thinks. I don't give a [bleep] what he does with the rest of his life. He [bleep] with the wrong guy, and he knows that, too. He knows for a fact that he [bleep] with the wrong people."
Okay, so if there's anyone out there reading this blog besides me, JT, and Bruno, let's try one of those good old-fashioned Caption Contests for this lovely picture of Ozzie Guillen.
So is it football season yet?
T: As of today, the Kansas City Royals are now ten games behind first-place in the American League Central. That’s right folks, a full ten games behind the division-leading Chicago White Sox, and we aren’t even through April yet. Sure, we weren’t expecting much from the team, but we also weren’t expecting a team with the most errors committed, the worst fielding percentage, one of the most anemic offenses, and perhaps the worst bullpen in the major leagues. This is going to be a long, long, long season for the already-suffering Royals fans.
J: The frustrating thing is that Steinbrenner is writing a check today for the luxury tax that is almost as big as the Royals payroll this year. Uh...it makes me sick.
This cheers me up a little (pun intended).
The Kiss Cam
T: Okay, so we all headed out on Friday night to Kaufmann Stadium, which incidentally is still a beautiful park, for the Royals versus the Tigers. The Royals, like most major league teams, try a lot of different things to keep the fans entertained during a game. This is probably more important for the Royals, as the on-the-field product is so bad that the focus needs to be taken away from the actual purpose of being there. That brings us to the "Kiss Cam", a wonderful invention that forces people to kiss through public humiliation, although it's not been such a great invention for
one guy. Anyway, there were all kinds of people gettin' busy Friday night for all 30,000 attending fans to see, but unfortunately Bruno wasn't one of them...
JT: What you don't see is when Bruno leans over and tries to kiss me about 5 seconds after you cut the video.
B: I was excited mustard won the hot dog race. I'll contain myself next time.
Cleveland (part I)
B:See, that's why I dig the fact this is a blog, and that we have comment links.
Patrick gave us a link to the
Cleveland Ten Cent Beer night disaster. So now we have a source to quote what would happen if Buck Night at the K included beer.
Also, of all the millions... ok, dozens... ok, dozen... and yeah, that includes the three of us... Anyway, of all the handful of people that have been to this site in the last week and a half, Patrick was the first one to point out that the map of our road trip (on the sidebar) was wrong. My fault. The "Cleveland" in the map was a little bit too close to the dot representing Toledo, and I messed up. The map is now fixed, though, and I'm glad we got that figured out now, instead of once we arrived in Toledo.
Now, I forgot to ask him yesterday, but are we definitely staying with 2.0 in Cleveland? Do we need to get him a ticket too?
T: Wow, we've come a long way as a society since the 1913 Phillies forfeit due to "waving hats and handkerchiefs." I wonder what people from that era would think of the
Gary Sheffield incident?
Do I... do I smell beer?
T: Why can't they include beer with the hot dogs, peanuts, and soft
drinks for the Royals Buck Night? I mean seriously, if you're going to field a team that lost a hundred games the previous year, shouldn't they want you to forget what's happening on the field? Don't try to tell me that they couldn't get a sellout crowd for a Buck Night that included beer, even if it was a cheap beer like Pabst Blue Ribbon (which incidentally, is highly underrated).
J: Didn't they do this for a minor league team? 25 cent beer? The
crowd became a drunken mob.
B: Remember how we used to go to Crappy Beer Night at the Jazzhaus on Thursday nights? It was PBR, Red Dog, Schlitz, and Nattie Light, all for a buck each. It was cans too. Extremely white trash. Local bands were good, though.
Anyway, now you go out in KC and the cans of PBR cost $2 at Harry's. Man, I miss Lawrence.
A tale of two pitchers...
T: Last week, against a very inconsistent Royals offense, Tigers pitcher
Jason Johnson threw 6 and 2/3 innings of shutout ball. He scattered five hits, struck out four, and gave up only one base-on-balls for his first win of the season. Certainly worthy of being called a good pitching performance.
Tonight, however, Jason Johnson had a very different outcome. Pitching against the Twins, he only recorded one out before getting yanked from the ballgame. His stat line: seven hits, one walk, and five earned runs. For the night, his ERA is a staggering 135. Ah, if only he could pitch against the Royals every game...
Friday
B: I'm a new man now, you know. I plan things now.
And that's why I'm here to remind you two about Friday -- Buck Night at the K.
I'm thinking of starting with the sign bonanza as early as that night. Suggestions?
J: Troy and I have a standing bet that he can't eat a hotdog an inning. I hope he tries again, but this time he'll come prepared.
As for signs, here are a few ideas:
1. "There's no question, no question. - Tony Pena"
2. "Juntos Chupamos!"
3. "Where's the Big Sweat?"
4. "What Blue Wave?"
5. Jose Lima is supposed to pitch on Friday...I'm not above making a sign about his...
problem.
6. "$15 seats for a 15 win team. Go Royals!"
7. "
I like Sunsets too Zach!"
B: We're not doing #2. Only in English that makes sense. People that speak Spanish will not laugh, they'll LAUGH. It's just wrong. The only thing gayer is #7.
Down goes Silva...
T: Silva on disabled list with right knee tearAnd JT sheds a tear...
Standings Thus Far
T: After one week of ALCFLB, Troy's PEN15 Squad is leading the way thanks to a few stellar pitching performances from
Mark Buehrle,
Nate Robertson, and
Denny Bautista.
| Rank | Team | R | HR | RBI | SB | AVG | W | SV | K | ERA | WHIP |
|---|
| 1 | T | 18 | 8 | 27 | 2 | .279 | 3 | 1 | 27 | 3.21 | 0.86 |
| 2 | B | 24 | 3 | 11 | 1 | .265 | 2 | 2 | 31 | 5.77 | 1.36 |
| 3 | J | 21 | 5 | 22 | 6 | .201 | 1 | 1 | 22 | 5.31 | 1.51 |
Staring at it isn't going to help...
T: After giving up 12 runs, 8 of which were earned, in only 6 and 2/3 innings pitched, Royals fans, and JT, have to be wondering why
Jose Lima is on their team. As Bradford Doolittle points out on his
"The Stat Guy" page of the Kansas City Star, Jose Lima has always given up a lot of home runs compared to the league average. Add to the fact that he's given up 14 hits in those 6 and 2/3 innings pitched, and you've got a deadly combination.
Fantasy Baseball... American League Central Style
T: Saturday, April 2nd, marked the second annual American League Central Fantasy Baseball League, or ALCFBL for short, draft. For those of you unfamiliar with fantasy baseball, essentially players are drafted by each person and the statistics are compared at the end of the year. Last year, JT was the inaugural winner of the ALCFBL, despite concerns of cheating regarding what is now referred to as the infamous “Rick Helling Debacle.” We completed this year’s draft after five long hours of listening to JT repeating “I’ll take… uhhhh, I’ll take…” to stall for time, but we all walked away feeling happy with the players we selected. Of course, that feeling will be gone in a few weeks when we change our minds and suddenly hate our pathetic players. Below is a small video of the accusations that flew following the end of the draft.
What follows is an unbiased (sort of) synopsis of each team.
Bruno’s Fighting Sardines – Possessing a strong lineup with a solid rotation, the Sardines are a championship contender. With
Jeremy Affeldt and
Shingo Takatsu, saves should come often. However, there is concern over the health of
Magglio Ordonez and
Shannon Stewart, the ability for
Carlos Guillen to repeat his only good season in the major leagues, and the steroid allegations surrounding
Pudge Rodriguez.
JT’s Bloody Stool Boys – Potent offense and relievers, with some questions in the starting rotation. Can
Kevin Millwood shift to the American League and still put up good numbers? Will
Kyle Lohse rebound from a horrible 2004 season? JT obviously shows a lack of faith in his hometown Kansas City Royals, as
Jose Lima is his lone Royal representative.
Troy’s PEN15 Squad – Should have the strongest rotation all year with
Johan Santana,
Mark Buehrle,
Zach Greinke, and
C.C. Sabathia as the anchors. The closer situation is a little more shaky with
Bob Wickman and his penchant for blowing saves. The lineup is solid, but guys like
Mike Sweeney and
Joe Mauer will need to stay healthy in order to compete with the Sardines and Bloody Stool Boys.
Percentages
J: I’ve broken down the possibilities of the following taking place (I used my Junior College Statistics Skills).
Chances of us:
1. Making it to every game and seeing every inning played – 70%
2. Getting pulled over for speeding – 2% (We’ll be using two radar detectors)
3. Getting pulled over for various other reasons – 10%
4. Getting kicked out of a game – 5%
5. Catching a foul ball or Homerun Ball – 3%
6. Dancing like idiots after catching a ball – 100%
